hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
