I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
