Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
