How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
