I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
