goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
