There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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