This dress was meant to end up on your floor
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My pussy is not your playground.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
