is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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