and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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