Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
