I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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