id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
