We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize