me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
love makes seman taste better
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
