I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The air was thick with penises
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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