Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
