guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Who died my cat blue again?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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