You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
