"it" just moved
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
