he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
