the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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