Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dicks are not precious.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
