end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
