when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
