NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
