I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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