I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
