A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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