Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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