Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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