At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
