he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
