if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize