You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
