At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
