Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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