never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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