you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it's like heaven, but drunker
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
