I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
two words: eviction party
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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