Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
honey bunches of taint.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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