It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize