You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
