Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
