Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
