handjob tips. give me some.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm like, not good at living.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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