I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
