No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
