Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
