pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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