I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
