There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
