Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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