nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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