Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize