you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
