I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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