he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
