I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
