Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
