tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize