We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
