Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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