my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
