Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize