Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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