Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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