Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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