he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
