so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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