I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
