dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
