Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
